After our parking-lot kiss, Todd disappeare
d. Not just out of the state—he flew back to Florida the next day—but out of my life. I didn’t hear from him for weeks, but tried not to worry. I told myself our romance was still new, so it wasn’t fair to have expectations just yet. His next visit would seal the deal, or so I was convinced.
I was at a baseball game with my girlfriends when I got the text. He was in town for his grandmother’s funeral and wanted to meet up—at the bar…again. I promised to stop by after the last inning. The game ended, and I rushed home, shaved my legs, and headed out. He was with his friends—always the same crew of bored married men—and as we stood by the bar chatting, something felt different. I felt less attracted to him. I suddenly realized he behaved more like a skeezy barfly than the well-educated, successful guy I thought he was. We played arcade games together, and although fun, I couldn’t shake my misgivings. When he touched my waist, it didn’t feel affectionate. It felt lecherous—nothing like our sweet first kiss. I wasn’t ready to give up on him, though. So I ignored my instincts.
At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and kissed me. He wanted another makeout session, I knew, but I just climbed into the driver’s seat. Todd promised we would see each other later that week—he would carve out time for just the two us, he swore—and I just nodded my head.
That date never happened. His excuse: He was cleaning out his grandma’s house, and felt physically and emotionally drained. No guy likes a woman who interferes with family affairs, so I masked my irritation. I told him I didn’t expect to be a priority, given the circumstances.
Later, in a text message, the subject of “us” came up. Things were going well, until this text arrived: “I’m not the guy you think I am.” I paused, considering. I wasn’t sure how to take this.
“You mean, you’re not a nice guy?”
That’s when he took backwater. “Well, no, I’m…shy. I don’t approach women often.”
It seemed insincere, so I pushed for more. He asked to discuss it in person, later. I suggested over the phone. Now. He agreed, and somehow alleviated my concerns. The conversation shifted—we discussed our dating likes and dislikes, and eventually…sex.
I knew it was time to tell him: I don’t sleep around—and in a roundabout way, that he shouldn’t expect sex. I braced myself (this conversation has ended badly before). But he surprised me, and said that was fine.
He was lying.
He later texted me with another family excuse, and that was the last of it. He vanished for months, without a word. I’m not an idiot: It seems he wanted me for sex, and nothing more. Perhaps he had a woman in Florida, with me on the side. Maybe he thought as a younger woman I would be easy, a pushover. I don’t know and never will. But I do know it hurt. I try to be a respectable woman, and it’s hard feeling rejected for that.
Then, a couple weeks ago, he texted me out of the blue, “Believe it or not, I’m actually in town…”
I was stunned. Did he really think I was that naïve, or desperate? I chatted casually, but quickly cut him off. He was hoping for a booty call, and I denied him. I felt in control again. That is, until this match.com message arrived in my friend’s inbox:
“Hello. I’m sure you are wondering why a guy from Florida is emailing you… I tried this site for the first time a few months ago with just awful results and swore I would never resort to that again. After spending so much of the summer (I will tell you where I was a little later) traveling, I was finally back in South Florida for a little bit and quickly realized for the 100th time that it is highly unlikely I will ever meet an nice NORMAL, genuine not superficial tall athletic women down here. So I just received an email from match to try the site again for 72 hours free, and decided this time I would take a different approach….
Believe it or not, I was born and raised in your area and have been up there 4 times from May until last week and realized how much more I relate to the people back home, so I thought I would do a quick search in the area to see if anyone would catch my eye and needless to say, your profile did just that…Since I get up your way quite often and will be coming up even more this fall and holidays, I thought I would see if you might be interested in talking sometime as it seems like we do have a few things in common…”
There is nothing wrong with match.com, or even his email. Except for one problem: This is the exact same spiel he gave me, just a few months ago on our first “date.”
So naturally, after reviewing his email to her, I texted him. More on that next time…
–K.L.
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